Why have I been unsuccessful in steam cleaning my snow men?
- Mike Kugler

To answer your question, we need to review some basics of snow men and their properties. A snow man, for those who lived horrid childhoods and were never allowed to play in the snow (and those who lived too far south to experience such phenomenon), is a man-like figure made out of cold fluffy white stuff. It generally consists of three spheres stacked on top of one another, each successively smaller than the one below it. The traditional image of a snow man that many grow up with includes the use of a carrot for the nose, two pieces of coal for the eyes, and a corncob pipe; however, I never saw one that actually did use such objects, and we can be sure that only those growing up in the most liberal of Christian households had tobacco contraband laying around for kids to stick in the mouths of their creations. Snow men, being made out of snow, are complex organizations of millions of water-ice crystals. A water molecule is made up of two hydrogen atoms, and one oxygen atom joined together by strong covalent bonds. Weaker hydrogen bonds attract individual water molecules together to create the liquid state of water we are used to. But as the temperature of a group of water molecules drops below 0 degrees Celsius (remember this number because it will become important later on), the hydrogen bonds push the oxygen atoms apart, molecules loose energy, and other things happen, creating a less dense crystal lattice structure (also known as ice).

The problem you are encountering, is most likely due to the fact that steam is above 100 degrees Celsius. When you apply steam to your snow man, you are transferring heat energy from the steam to the snow, causing an increase in temperature, which inevitably results in a breakdown of the crystal lattice structure. Remember that this intricate structure exists only when the temperature is below 0 degrees Celsius. Without this structure, water exists in a fluid liquid form, which is very poor at maintaining it’s shape (without the help of a container). I’m assuming your snow man was dirty, thus the need to steam clean it. This only makes the issue worse, since the presence of dirt and other foreign particles in ice can cause cracks and fissures in the crystal structure which make it easier to melt. I’d suggest you use cleaner snow in the future, which will eliminate the steam cleaning to begin with. I also recommend that you never bring your snow man inside to enjoy a warm cup of hot chocolate after an afternoon of fun in the fluffy white stuff. It will only result in a giant puddle and an angry mom – err…wife.

We hope this answers your question. Have fun and don’t eat the yellow snow.
- jacob heemstra